The World Domination Fund
by StarlightWarrior
Summary: Would you like to help an underprivledged child take over the world? Of course you would. Now let's take out those checkbooks and. . . (Sponser week!)
1. Eduardo and Mr Sark

Happy Intro music plays:  
  
Camera cuts to: A studio, tan and much like the World Vision one, except with a plaque on the wall reading 'World Domination Fund.' Busy looking people are sitting, talking on numerous phones. They appear to be working very hard, but are really just trading gossip with Aunt Nina.  
  
I, tastefully dressed and holding a microphone, walk into view of the camera. Beside me is Mr. Sark of Alias.  
  
ME: Hello. Tonight we will show you the plight of children in countries so poor, they can't even afford their own phone tap. My fictional co- host, Mr, umm, ahh, 'Sark' and I care deeply about these children. Let's meet one of them.  
  
SCENE cuts to a village in a South American country. A sad looking little boy is standing outside a mud hut, holding a teddy bear.  
  
ME: Eduardo lives in Puerto Rico. His personal dream is to rule an obscure East European country. Which one was it, Sark?  
  
Sark: I think it was Bristol.  
  
ME: That's not in Eastern Europe!  
  
Sark: Czechoslovakia, then.  
  
ME: OK. Just think, for the small, small price of $500,000, you can give Eduardo his own personal mercenary army. Help fulfill his dreams, and the dreams of thousands of other underprivileged children. Give generously, and be content in the knowledge that 100% of the money goes to organized- crime syndicates, which we pay to work for these children.  
  
Sark: What? You're giving our money away?  
  
ME: Yes, Sark, that's the point of charity. *under breath* Of course not! But we're on live, so shut up!  
  
Sark: Oh, so we aren't really giving any of it to Eduardo?  
  
ME, facing the camera: Yes we are! Here at the World Domination Fund, we give every penny of donations from kind viewers like you to help little children take over the world.  
  
Sark: I don't know why I even signed up to do this. I mean, I'm tired of taking orders from Sloane. And my MOM (A/N: One of my pet theories is that Irina's his mom) still pushes me around! I deserve some of that money!  
  
ME, under breath: BE QUIET! YOU WON'T GET ANY OF WE'RE EXPOSED!  
  
Sark: Oh, OK, I'm good at lying.  
  
ME, again to the camera: My co- host appears to be having psychological difficulties. Please watch these commercial messages from our sponsors.  
  
CAMERA CUTS TO commercials. 


	2. Xiang Ming and Boromir

WEEK 2:  
  
Happy Intro music plays  
  
CAMERA cuts to the studio. It looks the same as in the first chapter- still tan, and still with the plaque. The busy looking people are still speaking on their many phones, except this time, they're selling 'World Domination Fund Corrupt- Inside Testimony' headlines to the National Enquirer. Aunt Nina is sitting at home by HER telephone, knitting forlornly.  
  
Again, I walk on camera, tastefully dressed and holding a microphone.  
  
ME: Hello. You may remember how my co-host, Sark, went stark raving mad last week. He is now undergoing therapy at Happy Hills mental institution. We wish him a speedy recovery. But now, I have found a new fictional co- host. Here is Boromir, from Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring. *gestures beside me, where Boromir SHOULD be standing, but isn't*  
  
ME *looking around*: Boromir? Where are- no, put that down! It's called a phone! It won't hurt you! You can't kill it!  
  
BOROMIR *appearing very annoyed*: What? Oh, sorry. *puts the phone down on a table*  
  
ME: We're going to talk about World Domination today, the same as we do every day. Boromir, as a new co-host, do you have any thoughts on that?  
  
BOROMIR: World Domination is good. That is, if you're the one dominating the world. It's not so good if you're a peasant, I guess. . .  
  
ME: Anything else?  
  
BOROMIR: Well, I really don't care much for your world, but I personally would love to rule Middle Earth.  
  
ME: OK! That's good. Anyway, last week we met Eduardo from Puerto Rico. We raised exactly $25.63 (plus a squadron of apples, which he enjoyed so much they didn't do much good, as most were eaten, and some money from Draculena's minions, which turned out to be from 1876 and was sold to a museum- but he appreciated it) for him- we still have a long way to go, but, it's progress! Progress made possible by concerned viewers like you. . .  
  
BOROMIR: You raised a paltry sum. I don't think they're that concerned.  
  
ME: You know, it's negative thinking like that that kills a cause.  
  
BOROMIR: This cause doesn't need anything to kill it. The public of your world just aren't as stupid as you take them for.  
  
ME, under breath: There's a sucker born every minute, darling. You just need to know how to play them. *in normal voice* Now, let's meet another child in need of world domination.  
  
SCENE cuts to a young Chinese boy. He is standing outside a Pagoda in what looks like the Himalayas.  
  
ME: Xiang Ming lives in a remote mountain town in China. He is in training to be a monk. Because of all the good things they've taught him about self- sacrifice, his dream is smaller than Eduardo's- Xiang Ming only wants to rule Manchuria. To do this, he will need a similar army of mercenaries, plus several spies and kamikaze pilots.  
  
BOROMIR: Why does he need Kamikaze pilots?  
  
ME: Because they bring in a lot of cash and you don't have to feed them for long. Anyway, to help Xiang Ming, we will have to raise about 300,000 to 600,000 dollars. We can't do this without your help, dear viewers. In fact-  
  
BOROMIR: I told you, they really don't care.  
  
ME: Of course they care. They're extremely gulli- err, empathetic people.  
  
BOROMIR *shakes head and starts filing sword*: Maybe one day we'll earn enough to buy one of those things- what did you call them- chocolate bars?  
  
ME, *to Boromir*: We shall discuss this later! *turns to camera* Well, that wraps up this session. Remember, the phone lines are always open. . .  
  
*Suddenly, all sound and picture is cut off, because, amazingly, a phone rang, which startled Boromir, and he cut the cable to the camera, as he has a tendency to wave his sword wildly when startled.* 


	3. Olga and Count Dracula

Week Three:  
  
Everything is the same. The busy looking phone people are now calling expensive 900 numbers and having their fortunes told by Madame Zoya. Apparently she sees a very, very, lonely and depressed aunt. . .  
  
I, this time wearing a long black Morticia Adams style dress, walk into view of the camera holding a cheese sandwich. And a microphone.  
  
ME: Hello. Welcome to the World Domination Fund infomercial, where we inform the wonderful North American public about the plight of small children in poor countries. Without your help, these children may never get to even command their own army. Anyway, you may remember our previous co- host, Boromir. Well, he is no longer with us. Not that he died or anything- (yet, that is) he was simply fired for having a negative attitude, not to mention that he broke our camera. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a good camcorder!? I had to sacrifice my lunch hour to go to Radio Shack! Now I'm here, eating a cheese sandwich on air!  
  
RANDOM GUY HOLDING CAMCORDER: Uh, miss? All this talk about lunch is making your new co-host hungry, and I don't like the way he's eyeing me. . .  
  
ME: *puts down cheese sandwich* Oh, sorry- well, send him out. *turns to camera* Anyway, today we have one of the world's most famous literary vampires here to promote our cause- Count Dracula!  
  
COUNT DRACULA: *strides in front of camera* Thank you. And yes, I AM the world's most famous literary vampire. MUCH more famous than that French guy.  
  
ME: I said 'one of the' not 'THE' most famous-  
  
DRACULA: Dare ye challenge me, foolish mortal?!  
  
ME: Well, not when you put it that way, no. So, your thoughts on World Domination?  
  
DRACULA: I was born for it. MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!  
  
ME: Great! Then you're perfect for helping us raise money for all the little children.  
  
DRACULA: Little children? Where! I can't stand little children! They- cry! *darts behind me, grabbing my shoulders*  
  
ME: THEY'RE IN THE UKRAINE! Get a hold of yourself, man- er, vampire!  
  
DRACULA: The Ukraine? You're sure?  
  
ME: Yes, Count. *peels him off my shoulders* Anyhow, let's meet the next underprivileged child in need of world domination.  
  
SCENE cuts to a little girl, sitting at a table. She is quite happily making Easter eggs.  
  
ME: Olga lives in Kiev. She may seem perfectly content and happy, but she isn't. She has hopes and dreams- hopes and dreams that may never be fulfilled but for your generous donations. Olga wants to rule the world, or at least Russia, Ukraine, and Romania. She may not know it yet, but-"  
  
DRACULA: What? Romania? BUT THAT'S MY HOMELAND! MY COUNTSHIP!  
  
ME: Ain't that nice. Anyway-"  
  
DRACULA: SHE CAN'T HAVE IT! ROMANIA IS MINE!  
  
ME: Too bad. Stop speaking in capitals- IT'S HARD TO READ IN SCRIPT FORMAT!  
  
DRACULA: YOU'D BE SPEAKING IN CAPITALS TOO IF SOME DEMENTED UKRAINIAN KID WANTED TO TAKE OVER YOUR COUNTRY!!!  
  
ME: Ah, never mind. Back to the subject- to take over these countries, Olga needs several MIG 18 fighter jets (complete with several Russian pilots), about 90 spies and mercenaries, and 50,000 dollars. Just think, people, for the small, small price of 50,000 dollars, you can fulfill the dreams of a poor, er, middle- class Ukrainian girl. I hope you can find it in your hearts-"  
  
DRACULA: Don't listen to her! She may have a nice dress, but she's crazy!! And this is all a scam anyway! I have proof! I- AHHH! *gets dragged away by random assistants carrying holy water and garlic*  
  
ME, shaking head: Well, that was interesting. Another fictional character's dreams of co- hosting bite the dust.  
  
*another random assistant approaches, and hands me a piece of paper, which I read*  
  
ME: And in further news, Eduardo, the first child we met, now has sponsors. Thanks to generous donations of kamikaze apples (which went to him as the Chinese govt. wouldn't let them anywhere near Xiang Ming) from Draculena, and some cash and a button from StrawberryChick, he is halfway to ruling the world. The apples are storming the Puerto Rican capital as we speak. Great success, which would not be possible without concerned viewers like you. *smiles what should be a winning but is actually a demented looking smile* Anyway, just as before, the phone lines are always open. Please call, and help another small child nowhere near you conquer the world. Thank you. *picks up cheese sandwich and resumes eating while walking off- set*  
  
CUTS to commercials, with that annoying 'call in' text bar at the bottom.  
  
~A/N: I mean no disrespect to the people who run charities, even though their infomercials strike me as rather a waste of airtime that could be used for horror movies. They have fine morals. *repressed snickering from StarlightWarrior* Also, on the subject of horror movies, Count Dracula was here courtesy of Draculena, our number one donator, and Bram Stoker, who is probably turning in his grave as I type. :] ~ 


	4. Anwar and Shamus Harper

WEEK 4:  
  
CUTS TO outside a McDonalds. As is with every McDonalds, there are many seagulls and small birds hopping about pecking on fries in the background. A squad of phone people are standing nearby, talking disgruntledly on cell phones, which have 900- number proofing. (A/N: Heh heh) Aunt Nina is nearby, sitting in her car vindictively glaring and eating a Happy Meal. She seems to dislike the little Lilo & Stitch toy they gave her (or is it her niece she's glaring at. . . ).  
  
I, wearing a jacket covered in drywall dust, walk into view of the camera. As always, I am carrying a microphone.  
  
ME: Hello. Due to the fact that our studio is being renovated, this installment of 'The World Domination Fund' comes to you outside a McDonalds. Hey, we tried to rent a space, but the Waldorf wouldn't even talk to us! Even Roach's Delight- I'm sorry, COACH'S Delight- called us a scam. . . But you, dear viewers, know differently! *pauses for breath* Anyway, this week my fictional co- host came all the way from the future to help us- Shamus Harper from Andromeda!  
  
*Harper walks up next to me, eating a Chicken Fajita.*  
  
Harper, with mouth full: Hi. Do you have the money we agreed on?  
  
ME: Shamus, Shamus, this is all for charity. *under breath* How many times do I have to tell you people! Of course!  
  
HARPER: OK! Then we are ready to roll! I gotta tell you, this is a wonderful opportunity to express my views on World Domination.  
  
ME: And what ARE your views on World Domination?  
  
HARPER: Well, Tyr says the strongest and most intelligent people will win. Of course, it's really the ones with the biggest weapons and the coolest ships.  
  
*I am about to speak when the same random assistant as last time comes up and hands me another piece of paper, which I again read*  
  
ME: Excellent news! Eduardo has now taken over Puerto Rico and will give a speech from the capital in a few minutes. Also, the 35 cents from Elenea plus the evil horse Blessing (which is a contradiction) from Sqwonk are awaiting governmental clearance to enter China. We tried to keep the donated Lestat, but he was rescued by bodyguards Anne Rice assigned him to keep him safe from crazy fanfic authors & little kids. Oh, and Olga's getting an insane nuclear- weapons- smuggling hamster, again from Sqwonk, and a gold crucifix (which will be sold to a museum for BIG money) from Ruthven & Draculena. Whew, we had a lot of donations. *looks directly into camera* See, Boromir! They DO want to help the little children! HA!  
  
***  
  
Boromir, from his cell in Sing Sing, where he went for destruction of property: Meh. Yo, Bubba, pass me the chips.  
  
Bubba, handing bowl of chips to Boromir: Man, Dawg, couldn't they get us another channel?  
  
Boromir: Apparently not. *mutters non- G- rated things under breath*  
  
***  
  
HARPER: Aww! I wanna help the little children too! *holds up a High Guard force lance* Look at this baby. PERFECT for taking- over- the- world stuff.  
  
ME: Hey, isn't that Dylan's?  
  
HARPER, turning red: Uh, yeah. How did that get there? Heh heh. . . how about we see the next kid now?  
  
ME: Good idea.  
  
SCENE cuts to a boy, about ten, playing with a soccer ball in the desert.  
  
Me: Anwar lives in Egypt. He doesn't really want to take over the world; he's just a prop for our- hey, who wrote this script? Ack. . . pay no attention to that last line. . . someone shall be fired soon. . . Anyway, Anwar DOES indeed want to conquer the world, and he needs your help. In the past few cases, you wonderful viewers have donated most unselfishly to various children- please continue the good work. Don't stop with Eduardo. More little children need to be involved in the race to capture the world- or else, how will the best one win? Please, for the sake of the smartest, most capable child, give!  
  
HARPER: All right. Are we done yet?  
  
ME: Almost. Why?  
  
HARPER: Because there's a little kid over there pitching fries at me. And I wanna get a Happy Meal! I hear they're giving out Lilo & Stitch toys now!  
  
ME, under breath: Why must my co- hosts always either screw up or be totally immature. . . *in normal voice* OK, Shamus. Go get your Happy Meal.  
  
HARPER: Woo hoo! *runs off into the restaurant*  
  
ME: And that wraps up another edition of The World Domination Fund. Remember, the phone workers are always ready to take your call, even when eating McNuggets with sticky sauce. Thank you.  
  
CAMERA CUTS TO commercials.  
  
~ A/N: To fully understand this, you have to watch Andromeda- if it's not on where you are, or you just don't want to, look it up on the web. And Mr. Sark (the first chapt.) is from a show called Alias- it's on ABC, watch it, it's great. Also, check out the quizzes on my homepage; even though they're not REALLY plot related, they'll give you a basic idea of a few main characters.  
  
Also, as I have neglected to say this earlier, I own nothing. Not Sark (wouldn't mind that, though ;P), not Boromir (He's not that bad, but I'd probably trade him in for Aragorn), not Count Dracula (not sure I'd want him) and not Harper (darn.). I don't own McDonalds, either. The only things I own are myself and crazy Aunt Nina. Oh, and the things my darling reviewers have given. A big thanks to them- I love you all! Suggestions for co- hosts and plot twists are always welcome. :)  
  
P.S. Sorry for the lack of funniness. Or maybe it's just me, and it IS funny. . . review and tell me! ~ 


	5. Aragorn, revisiting, and sponsor week

WEEK 5

SCENE CUTS TO a studio, no longer like the World Vision one, but VERY posh. In fact, it's starting to look suspiciously like a palace. There are two very comfortable looking plush chairs sitting in the middle of the room.

The phone workers are also in comfortable- looking chairs, complete with arms. They are looking very bored, as their phones are now one way; calls cannot be made FROM them, only TO them. *Author does trademark smirk* Aunt Nina, waving a Ginsu knife and screaming about ungrateful young whippersnappers, is being forcibly restrained right outside the studio. 

I, impeccably dressed and holding a microphone, walk into view of the camera.

ME: Hello. As you can see, we have a new studio- it's the natural resources of Puerto Rico- I mean, my own hard- earned money that pays for this extravagance. However, for me to earn my money, YOU have to donate it. Wait, that didn't sound right. . . er, you get the point. I need your cash to help the children; (the children that mow my lawn, that is) so please, continue to donate. They need your support. *I stop and look into the camera sweetly for emphasis*

ME: We have with us here today- well, I'm not exactly sure myself. I missed the briefing. What? My dog ate the invitation. . . he deleted the email, too. . . 

*I am interrupted by Dwayne, who was formerly known as 'Random Assistant'. (Buying a name tag can do wonders for you.) He hands me a piece of paper.*

DWAYNE: Uh, this is for you.

ME: Is it a Valentine's Day card?

DWYANE: Uh, no. It's from the managers. I don't think they're sweet on you or anything.

ME: Too bad. Valentine's Day cards make great dart targets. The key is to bean the heart riiight in the center. . .

DWAYNE.*looks scared*:

ME: What? I don't bite. . .

DWAYNE. *recalling the Dracula episode and turning green*: Uh, miss, I'm just going to send out your co- hosts now. *runs off with a speed to rival the Bullet Train's*

ME*watching*: Sheesh. Some people. . .*starts to read letter* Wow. . . today we have a special fictional co- host; again, from Lord of the Rings, Aragorn, son of Arathorn, heir of Isildur, son of Elendil, also known as Strider, Elessar, Estel, and The Future King of Gondor! Here he is!

*At that moment, two other random assistants escort Aragorn into the studio. He is seated in one of the comfortable chairs.*

ME: *under breath* Think cynical would- be dictator, not fangirl. Cynical would- be dictator, not fangirl. CYNICAL WOULD BE DICTATOR- *Normal voice* Ahem. Aragorn, thank you for being here. I have a feeling you'll be perfect for promoting our cause.

ARAGORN: Actually, it's my pleasure to be here.

ME: *dazed grin* Really? I mean, what are your views on World Domination?

ARAGORN: What does world domination have to do with heirloom weaponry? 

ME: Huh? Oh, yeah, one tiny l'il thing- this *isn't* actually the Heirloom Weaponry Association. Heh heh. . . they must have forgotten to tell you that. *to camera* Donations can help us hire better-trained staff, therefore cutting back on the misinformation floating around!

ARAGORN: If this isn't the HWA, why did you want me to bring Andruil? 

ME: Because it wouldn't be charity without sharp pointy objects!

ARAGORN: *stares, making the O_o face* Are you on any kind of medication?

ME: No. . . why would you think that? Anyway, this week we're doing something different. We're going to revisit the children we met in the last episodes and see how far they've gotten since then. Here's Eduardo:

~~~

SCENE CUTS To what looks like a legislature building. Eduardo, the little boy from the first chapter, is sitting in the presidential chair- on the knee of Sark.

SARK *humming to the tune of 'A Day in the Life': I'm going to take over the world today, oh boy-

ME: Sark! We're on air! Quit it with the mangled, insinuating Beatles lyrics! 

SARK: Huh? It's not my fault! *points to Eduardo* He's been playing that record from one 'Syth Colbalt' for three. . . straight. . . hours. . . *whimpers*

ME: Sark. . . aHEM! 

SARK: *snaps back to attention* Oh, yes- the progress. Eduardo has made *great* progress here. Thanks to your donations, he's gone from being your average poor kid to a pawn in a twisted World Domination Plot. 

ME: Sark, you cursed idiot- I mean, now let's check up on our favorite little Chinese boy: Xiang Ming!

~~~~

SCENE CUTS To a room in a Pagoda. A young, decidedly un- Chinese redheaded boy is wearing an orange robe and meditating Buddhist- style. Beside him, in an orange- and- green polka dotted robe is. . . Sark.

ME: Sark! Isn't it amazing how quickly you went from Puerto Rico to Manchuria?

SARK: Not really, considering we're at the Epcot centre. 

ME: Sark, darling- you're not at the Epcot centre. 

SARK: Yes, I am.

ME: No, you're not. You're in China. 

SARK: But we're not! The Chinese government wouldn't let us in! They called us. . . quacks! We had to go to Disney World! *starts bawling*

ME: My, you're emotionally fragile today. Please tell us about the progress Xiang Ming has made.

SARK: This isn't Xiang Ming. This is a just a kid we bribed to do our infomercial.

KID: I WANT MY OREOS!

ME: What did ya do, eat truth serum?! You're a failure to con artists! Your mother would be ashamed to look at you!

SARK's eyes then get more teary. He begins to look rather like an anime character.

CHIBI-SARK: We didn't make any progress. *sniff* Because- because this is a all a corrupt front! It's not right!

ME: Thank you, Sark. But anyway, if you've made no progress, we have to move on to Olga. I hear the viewers don't like non- success stories. Something about associating negative emotions with the show. . .

ARAGORN: My therapist said something like that last week. 

ME: Really? We must go to the same one. Dark hair, pointy ears, scar on the cheek? Keeps talking about how women need an expanded role in life?

ARAGORN: Yep, that's the one. *Twilight Zone music starts randomly playing*

ME: Weird. .. heh heh- let's move on to Olga now. 

~~~~

CUTS TO a small, dark room. A little blond girl is sitting at a table. Alone. She is playing with a gold coin.

ME: Olga has received many *wonderful* donations- navy bombers from Astrid Tinuvial, who is STILL trying to kiss Aragorn, and um. . .60 pieces of gold and a magic ring from Artemis & Bilbo. 

*suddenly, the door to the room opens. In walks COUNT DRACULA.*

DRACULA: So, you think you can get away with trying to conquer Wallacia? 

OLGA*in a small, cute, disturbingly evil voice*: Zhes, I can. In fact, mein planes are headed that way now. *smiles sweetly*

DRACULA: NOOOO! Call them off! Please! And why do you have a German accent?

OLGA: Having der German accent makes me zound more like ze villain I aspire to be.

DRACULA: *stares* 

OLGA: Anyvay, I vill stop ze planes. . . on vun condition. Beat me at der arm wrestling!

DRACULA*very relieved*: Whew. I thought you were going to make me sing showtunes. MWA HA HA HA HA!

OLGA: *Looks disappointed she hadn't thought of that earlier*

DRACULA*sits down*: OK, little girl. You don't stand a chance against my superhuman, undead arm strength. 

OLGA: No, not normally. . . but I can CHEAT! *pulls out the gold crucifix and waves it in his face*

DRACULA: *hastily puts on sunglasses.* Puh-leeze. So cliché.

ME: Hey, didn't we sell that?

OLGA*evil smirk*: Darn. Count, you leave me with no choice. *blinks, sniffs*

DRACULA: No. . . NO. . . NO!!! NOT THAT. . .

OLGA: WAHHHH!

DRACULA: No! No! Make it stop! 

*Olga continues crying with a vengeance. The Count covers his ears, and, loudly singing Rogers & Hammerstein bits, backs out the door.*

DRACULA: DO, A DEER, A FEMALE DEER, RE, A DROP OF GOLDEN SUN. . .

ME: There he goes again, SPEAKING IN CAPITALS! *massages temples* Oy. . .  anyway, we're going to check up on Anwar now. He has received ONE donation, orcs from Astrid Tinuvial. Of course, we've spread a few of the unspecific donations around. Some went to Anwar, some went to the phone people, some went to the Russian Mafia- here's Anwar.

~~~

SCENE CUTS TO… a very, very odd picture. Orcs and mutant McNugget robots are standing in formation Nazi- style in the middle of the desert, listening to a militant speech given by. . . the Easter Bunny? And not the cute Easter Bunny we all knew and loved (we all love a bringer of chocolate); this is Easter Bunny gone radical. The fur on top of his head is in a buzz cut, and he's wearing a bandanna. He is clutching a rubber ducky.

EASTER BUNNY: Arise, reviled and under- appreciated extras! *squeaks rubber ducky*

ME: Hold on! I thought you were a benevolent figure!

EASTER BUNNY: That was before… do you have any idea what it feels like to bring those little chocolate eggs to children all over the world, day and night, and never *squeak* get to *squeak* try one? Do you know how frustrating that *squeak* is? My only friend was the *squeak*ing TRIX BUNNY! Well, after all those years of mindless subservience, I finally took a little bite… and do you know what I found out? Those eggs SUCK! *squeak* They're AWFUL! My only dream in life was to try one of those delicious chocolate eggs. Now, *squeak* all my dreams are shattered. I have nothing to lose, baby!

ME: My God, the Easter Bunny has gone mad and mobilized a fighting force… ah, well, it's a known fact that if you leave the donations alone, they'll try to take over the world on their own, eh, _UPS guy_! *disgruntled expression* Oh, yeah, credit time: The wacko Easter Bunny was donated by Sqwonk, the orcs are from Astrid Tinuvial, the rubber ducky is from Armand and Draculena, the McNugget robots are partially from StrawberryChick and partially from Syth Colbalt and Elenea, both of whom donated McDonald's toys. StrawberryChick's insanely intelligent German Shepard somehow got to Egypt and made them ALL into mutant robots. So now it's explained- back to the negotiations.

ME: Easter Bunny-

EASTER BUNNY: No more 'Easter Bunny' for me! I shall now be known as 'The Great Supreme Guerrilla Rabbit!'

ME: Man, you really need help in the naming department. My co- host here has written a book you might find useful in your quest for, well, whatever you're trying to do.

ARAGORN: Darn straight! You can buy 'Strider's Big Book of Names' at your local Price Mart, Wal-Mart, Chapters, or Piggly Wiggly.

EASTER BUNNY, dumbfounded: There's a store called Piggly Wiggly? (A/N: This is true. I kid you not.)

ARAGORN: Well, I suggested they rename it 'The Rooting Pig', but they didn't care too much for that idea.

EASTER BUNNY: No kidding.

ARAGORN: Are you insulting my naming abilities?! 

EASTER BUNNY: What naming abilities?

ME: *sniff* sarcasm… I'm so proud of you… but anyway, we're on live TV here. Let me talk to Anwar. 

EASTER BUNNY: That's all you want? ANWAR? I'm the one controlling this hostage situation. I'm the one you need to negotiate with. I'm the one- *he suddenly looks quite sleepy and falls over with a thud. Anwar, holding a hypospray, is standing behind him.*

ANWAR*furrows brow*: Why is there a camera here?

ME: The same reason you have a hypospray, honey. . . donations! I mean, thank goodness you're safe! Tell us about how far you've come from being an underprivileged shoeblack!

ANWAR*puzzled*: I was never an underp-

ME*quickly*: Yes you were. The memories must be so awful your little brain repressed them. But I doesn't matter now- the we're going to find a kind, kind person to sponsor you, and this will all be just a bad memory...

*suddenly, a large, fluffy shape with a buzz cut comes up behind Anwar. All feed is cut off.*

ME*nervous*: Oh, looks like the Easter Bunny woke up. *to camera* Anyway, instead of the normal donating, we're looking for sponsors this week. The child with the most sponsors will surely take over the world, so give generously! Like they say, giving is a very gratifying experience, especially when it's to children... 

CUTS TO Commercials.  
_______________________

A/N: This is a redo of chapter 6- we already have two sponsors, Artemis (Xiang Ming) and Elenea (Olga).  

SPONSOR GUIDELINES:

- You can sponsor only one child

- You have to state clearly the name of the child, ex. "I want to sponsor Olga."

- Not a guideline, but a request from the author: please say a bit about the story as well as your donation. Thank you. 


End file.
